The man behind the mask

Edge: A ninja shrouded in mystery. He holds a special place in all of our hearts, and yet we know nothing about him. Where did he come from? What caused him to get into ninja-ing? Where does he live? Is there, perhaps, a Mrs. Edge that he goes home to at night? Does he own a Chia Pet? These are the things we must ponder and discuss. The world needs to know!

I’m pretty certain the Edge we’re presented in the AJ episodes is just a façade. The ninja skills and stealth? Yeah, leftovers from a failed, former life.

I’m going to go with dishonorably discharged alpaca farmer. Hobbies include soap-carving and cultivating pet rocks…as far as why he is now a ninja, I’m at a loss. An alpaca massacre might have left him a broken man, or maybe he was orphaned and left to discover his ninja lineage all on his own.

The only healing for the loss of his parents- not to mention all of his precious alpacas- is listening to 80’s power ballads on his ninja ipod before and after killing people or even thinking about killing people.

Not to over speculate or anything.

Yes, yes! Perhaps a brooding heart is hidden beneath that black cape. Some great tragedy has forced him away from his home and now he lives a nomadic life, always on the move.

Is he running from something? Who trained him? How was he recruited to work for the government? Is there any connection with the ninja brothers?

There are just too many questions.

Who did train him? Is the "trainer" still alive, or perhaps was this another loss that constituted to the tragic past of our mysterious ninja?The ninja brothers could have been one of several things, but I guess we'll never know, since a certain samurai sort of...you know...

Enemies? Companions? Distant-twice-removed relatives (the sort that you conveniently never mention)? Who knows?

Could it be that the ninja brothers and Edge were both trained by the same ninja master? Did they suddenly and inexplicably turn against said master and betray him, leading to Edge's endless pursuit of truth and justice?

Perhaps Edge was recruited to work for the government by Agent Y or some other secret operative. Hmm.....I'll have to think on this one some more.

Maybe. Or maybe it was Edge that was betrayed by his ninja brothers.

I bet he was the favorite as a child and was loathed for it.

There's just no end to the questions, is there? Is there a secret identity complex, or is he just- Edge? All the time?

((Junk. I'm out of ammunition. Thinkthinkthink....))

Oooooooh! A secret identity!

Hmmm.....Clark Kent the newspaper reporter
.....Bruce Wayne the business tycoon
.....Peter Parker the freelance photographer

...um.....Samuel Edgerton (insert better secret identity name here) the......investment banker?? Lumberjack?? Steamboat captain??

Who knows?

I'll bet the Chief does.

Hey, and we've already seen Edge in his...um...true form.

He hoped he'd never have to wear that mask again.....How he loathes the fact that he has to continue to fight......Why won't they just leave him alone!!?

*sniff, sniff*

Oh, sorry, I just get a little emotional about that scene sometimes

He could be Edward. Edward Schnozzle...burger...smith...

If that's the case, decidedly and willfully, Edge is probably Edge all the time. And about that mask- here's a thought- does Edge make his own ninja outfit? Or is there some secret depot for those restless heroes? He doesn't seam the sewing type to me. Get it?! Oh boy.

Oh, Dinkish, I know you know better.

It's not like there's some kind of Ninja-Mart store where you can buy one of those cool black uniforms. We both know that ninjas make everything they use....with their own hands...with the exception of the wings they attach when flying through the air. So, yeah, Edge, out of necessity, would get the material for his cool black uniform the same place as any other ninja--from the heart of a dragon.

I mean, come on!

Unless, of course, by "some secret depot" you mean that ninjas have to fight down a vicious dragon of deadly death.

If that is the case, then yes, there is a "secret depot," but that's not a depot that you would ever want to visit, Dinkish.

ps. Nice pun. I personally thought it was a yacht of fun.

See, I think there could be some debate about where ninjas gain their supplies from. I mean, seeing that dragons are a sort of an endangered species, don't you think that certain ninjas could seek out other methods of supply? No, I'm not referring to the hypothetical Ninja-Rip-Mart, I mean, like, you know...instead of heart of the dragon...What if they also sought the 'wing of the eagle' or even better- the eye of the tiger? What? You know the idea had to come from some where. (And besides, Rocky is ninja in part, so meh.)

ANYWAYS.

You're right. If it came down between visiting the secret ninja depot (referred to by ninja experts as, "The Depository for Tactical Tools of Certain and Most Painful Death by Ninja") and being dismembered....I'd gladly offer all my limbs on a silver platter.

I had a nightmare about the D.T.T.C.M.P.D.N. once. I never slept again.

p.s. The pun well has dried.

Hmmm...eye of the tiger.....isn't that what they use to sharpen their sherkins? Besides (and I realize that I am heavily referencing an alternate source, but when am I not quoting someone else?), ninjas have to use the heart of a dragon to make their outfits. It's the only true black in the world. Everything else that we think is black is just, like, really dark green or really dark red.

But, hey, that's a little bit off the subject, isn't it.

So......Edge.........

Yeah....he's cool.........

I'm tired. This is it for me for tonight, but hey, I look forward to killing all of your misconceptions about ninjas soon.

My friend, I'm not going to lie. I have no idea what other source you're talking about. Is this a ninja turtle thing? Because you have to remember, I was reared a power rangers child, and a power ranger I will always be.

Or maybe it's some other source that my unculturedness just hides me from. UNLESS there's some strange misconception going on about the actual Dragon Heart movie, which has no ninjas, only Sean Connery (who, unlike Rocky, is not a ninja in part or whole).

In truth, I really think that the source of all ninja power comes from a certain lightening pendant that is sound activated. Why? Because it's the coolest thing. Ever. It's cutting edge.

Oh man, puns. Does life get any better? I submit that it does not.

SOOOOO, Edge, he...uh....he....uh....

It's study time. I'll think of something that's actually relevant later.

Oh, Dink, if only you could see me right now, you would see that I'm shaking my head in disappointment because I know that you are acquainted with the source I am referencing.

*sigh* Here's a hint: It starts with "Ask a" and ends with "inja"

Particularly the first episode. Therefore, no matter how many times your pendant has cut Edge, there is no arguing with The Ninja.

And, for the record, I was both a Power Rangers and Ninja Turtle child. Both have a special place in my heart, but the Ninja Turtles could beat the Power Rangers any day of the week, I'm pretty sure.

I...am...ashamed. But you have to give me credit, that was what- 28 episodes ago? I can't believe I forgot the source of all sources in regards to ninja-ness. So many valuable things can be learned, it's true, the dragon heart, everything. I'm a failure.

I mean, how else would be learn the physical requirements of being a ninja? Apparently, they start their training at age 6...weeks. But that's only when they do things like swim in volcanos and walk through blizzards without touching any snow flakes...

Psh. The green, pizza loving, turtles in bandanas have nothing on dinosaur hailing, helmet wearing teenagers. I mean, I bet if it came down to it, Edge would be a power ranger. First because he's not even a turtle, and second, because power rangers are obviously the better choice.

I disagree. The rangers would fall if they ever faced the post-adolescent terrapins. I mean, come on. The rangers uniforms must be full of gunpowder or something because every time they're hit, their uniforms blow up and send them flying! The turtles, no costumes (explosive or otherwise), they can run around as nature intended!

Thank you, Action. I agree with you completely.

I'm fairly confident that Edge would invest in a neogenic recombinator and and some turtle DNA before he would ever dream of putting on one of those spandex monstrosities. Besides that, the Power Rangers are much too melodramatic and they don't have half the sense of humor contained in Michaelangelo's pinky. That, my friend, is a scientific fact.

The turtles lead a much simpler life, which is the way a true ninja should live. And they eat pizza all the time without losing their edg-.......um........amazing athletic abilities.

So....off topic yet again.....but this is good. Dinkish needs to be convinced of the error of her ways.

I will force you to watch Ninja Turtles with me one day.

Oh, how our sad culture has brainwashed the good tastes right out of you.

First, let's talk costumes. These potentially explosive "spandex monstrosities"? Not spandex. Super human cloth generated to conceal inhuman strength, not to mention the helmets with the opaque visor that serves to both protect their secret idenitity and look pretty darn slick. That helmet keeps their head covered. Heh.

Oh, and right, let's talk about how the turtles live in the sewers and what...battle cleptomaniacs and bullies? Right. The Power Rangers battle aliens and beasts that would probably make the turtles wet their shells. Finally, one word: Zords. That's right, the huge mechanical vehicles that the rangers ride around in. It's called ownership, my friend.

I'm not anti-turtle. I guess I'm just not turtley enough for the turtle club.

Zords Schmords....every single episode of Power Rangers has the exact same plot: Big, usually unintelligent monster comes and attacks, Rangers fight monster, monster grows enormous and runs amok among tiny cardboard buildings, Rangers use zords to defeat monster....Oh, with some sort of melodramatic B Story introduced and resolved along the way. Yawn!

Besides, where did those dang zords come from anyway? The center of the earth? Seriously? Who even made them? It makes no sense.

But ANYWAY....

So, Edge.....um.......
Let's see.....

I believe Smith, at one point, makes a reference to him being a "crazy ninja." Might this suggest some type of psychological breakdown or neurotic disorder in his past? He generally seems so calm and subdued, but could it be that he might snap at any moment? I wonder.....

I guess Power Rangers must be an acquired taste...oh well. I'm not going to lie- I haven't watched a lot of turtle stuff. There's just something about those cardboard buildings and cheesy one-liners that warm my heart...that, and I still know the theme song.

But let's be friends again. In the ideal warrior world, turtles and robotic dinosaurs would unite over pizza.

There's a thought! You're right. Edge could be a mental basket case and could very well be masking it behind the silent exterior, fooling us all- you can just see the madness in the ninja's eyes. It will be a scary day when the basket spills its hypothetical crazy fruit spills everywhere!

Oh, yes, let's be friends. I don't hate Power Rangers. As I said, I grew up watching them too. But aparently I am more loyal to the Turtles......and Spiderman....I will defend Spiderman with every fiber of my being.

Why couldn't it just be the Mighty Mutant Power Turtles?

K, I have to go to dinner, then ministry, but I will return one day.

Don't lose your "edge" (groan)

Spiderman- ehh, alright. But you can't go wrong with Superman, and Batman is the stuff. It's a hard choice between the two. I watched Batman devotedly as a child and used to sneak my brother's action figures out of his room...along with matchbox cars...

I hope dinner was good. I bet you ate with all sorts of awesome people. You left too early though- we spoke of humus and exploding heads.

Neither of which are as cool as ninjas.

Which brings us back to Edge.

I can't believe I have to have this conversation with you as well. Batman and Superman, both fantastic, but Spiderman is most decidedly the best. Brains and superpowers, what could be better?

But let's not start this again.

How 'bout my favorite: If you spell "Edge" in Scrabble you win......FOREVER!!

Okay, okay, we won't start this again- but- Batman has brains to boot, and you know what's fantastic about him? He doesn't really have superpowers, he's just all that skilled on his own- no freakish spider bite, no alien parentage. He is just a very skilled fighter...though some are more skilled....tehe...

Right. No more superhero debates.

Here’s a thought or three: you know how ninjas came into history in about the 15th century as an undercover defense against the dominating Samurai? (Because everyone should know that, and if you didn’t, you should consult the esteemed Wikipedia entry that says so.) I have my doubts that ninjas and samurai could just brush off their ugly past without grudges- what would that make Samurai Gukido and Edge? Enemies?...But wait, aren’t they fighting for the same good?

Having read what has been said in this thread has made me smile and laugh, and I have decided to throw in my two cents into this conversation.

Turtles rock... period Rangers were alright but they came after the Turtles (I spent more of my life watching the turtles than I did the rangers.) "Turtle Power!"

Okay.. not that that is said and out of my system I'll bring my posts back on topic.

Edge and Samuri Gukido that is an interesting though of how they would interact with each other, knowing the samuri and ninja past. Though they both fight for the same good they may still find themselves at odds with eachother. It is possible after all be 'enemies' with an ally.

I would be interesting to see those two in a room together.

PS. I like the idea of Edge comming from a dark past... it seems to suit him.

I’ve noticed your recent interest in the man they call Edge…so here’s a newspaper clipping about him from my November 03, 2006 article in the Kookaburra Daily Gazette (KDG).

- Shadows among Sheep: Who is Edge, anyway?

Ever since this mysterious rogue vanished during the late-night invasion into the office of the nearby Battler And Fighter Academy last year, “Edge” has been present as a by-word among the gossip of the entire community. Who is he? Come with us as we take a shocking peek behind the mask of Edge through the eyes of two anonymous informants (AI).

The following is an interview with Edge’s former landlord.

KDG: “What is Edge’s real name, or is he just Edge?”

AI: “All his rent checks were signed Evan Steele, but that might just very well be an alias. Who knows?”

KDG: “Who knows? I'll bet the Chief of the Battler And Fighter Academy does! Anyways, Evan Steele the…investment banker? Lumberjack? Steamboat captain?”

AI: “I honestly don’t know his true vocation, but of the three, I’d have to say lumberjack. The woman who lived next door to him said that sometimes she would hear yelling, and then Evan would go into the backyard and chop wood, apparently to vent steam.”

KDG: “Is there a chance that there is or ever was a Mrs. Edge that he sometimes shouted at?”

AI: “He was the only one living in that house, according to our rent agreement, but he possibly could have had some friends or relatives or coworkers or something over during the arguments.”

KDG: “Some have said that he’s ‘a crazy ninja.’ Could the shouting be a result of a psychological breakdown or neurotic disorder in his past? Could it be that he might snap at any moment?”

AI: “Ha. It seems the media is always speculating and originating outlandish ideas about celebrities. I’ll bet he’s not a whole lot different than the rest of us, although you never know. Sure, his origins are shaded and we all question his motives and intentions, but I think he is good at heart. Well, from the limited amount I’ve seen of him.”

KDG: “Where did Edge come from?”

AI: “Well, this is what he told me when I posed that question, and I quote, ‘from many places, and of none.’ He always was a tight-lipped one.”

KDG: “Is he running from something?”

AI: “I always wondered that myself, but the only indication I ever found of that was a suspicious lowlife loitering on his property for a few days while Mr. Steele was away. A concerned group of neighbors questioned the man on his presence in the neighborhood. He told them that he was looking for the ‘Vanguard of Vagabonds, the Highest of Hobos, the Defender of the Down-and-Outs.’”

KDG: “Are you saying that our Mr. Steele was the leader of some sort of a group of wandering orphans or bums or thieves or something?”

AI: “As I implied, I don’t know anything for sure, but if that strange visitor was to be trusted, I think there must be some truth in that conclusion.”

Shadows began to recede from our knowledge of Edge’s past only to reveal a strange life of tragedy and social pariah. Perhaps a brooding heart is hidden beneath that jet black cape? The following is an interview an agent working for the government.

KDG: “What can you tell us about Edge’s past?”

AI: “At an early age, Edge’s parents were killed in a drive-by-shooting in downtown Suburbia. The only-child of two only-children, there were no family members to care for the little tyke. Unable to pay the rent, creditors repossessed his house while he was out scavenging the neighborhood dumpsters. Apparently, a homeless man named Manfred befriended him and invited Little Edge to join him in his nomadic lifestyle, always on the move. Edge appears to have slipped notice by the world until his early adolescent years when a family in Tokyo, Japan noticed a disheveled teen burying a decrepit old man with his own hands behind a train depot at the outskirts of the city.”

KDG: “Wow! Where did you hear that?”

AI: [Remains silent.]

KDG: “Sorry. So, what then?”

AI: “Well, our sources found a retired monk living in the mountains of Japan. He remembered a scrawny youth who had come to his monastery seeking to become a student of the martial arts. The student had a voracious appetite to see justice visited upon the people who had ripped those whom he had loved from his life. Yet, success always seemed to escape through the young martial artist’s hungering grasp.”

KDG: “So your sources had found the man who trained him in his ninja skills?”

AI: “No. It turns out the monk was the head minister of the monastery, not the trainer of martial arts. However, Edge apparently approached the monk in a quest to ‘seek truth’ but was disappointed with the monk’s religious view. Doubts began to arise in Edge’s mind, and the monks began placing bets on how soon the young man would lose the will to learn to fight and drop out of their academy. Shortly thereafter, Edge and another student left the academy to find success out in the world. However, the monastery was secretly part of an international terror society and harbored illegal conspirators against the Japanese government, so the monks sent a group of four of their ninjitsu students on a quest to make sure Edge remained silent, if you know what I mean. It was to be a sort of test for the students. Only two returned.”

KDG: “So Edge managed to kill two of his attackers and escape with his life?”

AI: “Well, no. The group of assassins-in-training found Edge smiling as he exited a small house in the country and jumped him a short way down the road. Edge did manage to hold them off until an oncoming truck struck two of his would-be killers in the street. The other two lost Edge in the mayhem. Not to return to their masters complete failures, the remaining two backtracked to the house Edge had come out of and took the inhabitant hostage. Under intense torture at the monastery, the hostage admitted to housing a cell of illegal underground church members. The monks raced to get this information to the authorities and have Edge arrested for conspiring with criminals. However, Edge got there first, so the authorities instead arrested the monks for the same charges. Before suspicion against Edge could arise, he fled back to the states, satisfied that he had found what he had been searching for.”

KDG: "How was he recruited to work for the government?"

AI: “Most of the monks were arrested and executed, but the students were set free because of ‘naiveté.’ The case became international news. When our agency found Edge on American soil we offered him a job after clearing him in a few cross-examinations and background checks. We figured Edge could be useful for his knowledge of the terror society and could inform us on their guerilla and martial tactics. After a year or two, he quit because he said he was tired of being ‘the eye of the storm’, as he put it. I think he was tired of dealing with violence at every turn.”

KDG: “What happened to his desire to see justice upon his enemies?”

AI: “It seems that desire reawakened after a few months, and he came back to us in search of a contract. During his off-time, he had been touring the country doing sidewalk talks with the homeless, encouraging them to learn skilled trades. One time when he was talking with a rag-adorned woman, a car full of local gang members drove up from behind Edge and tried gunning the both of them down. Miraculously, Edge was not harmed, but unfortunately, the woman died in his arms. He came back with a fire in his eyes. He wanted us to hire him as a sort of mercenary agent so he could work on his own with government support. He seemed interested in preventative use of force, and in the end, we ended up signing him on. He gets money to fund his missions, and we get useful information.”

We hope this deep well of dark insight into the persona of Edge sates our public’s search for Edge’s past. We have had our fill, for sometimes it hurts to think on such tragic circumstances that people sometimes have to go through. Next issue, we’ll focus on more lighthearted matters, like where did Edge get his ninja suit or who’s his favorite superhero?