Imagine If.

Ah, sweet, sweet, speculation. If I wasn’t sure that you are all such imaginative, open minded people, I’d be tempted to keep this highly debatable topic to the closed quarters of my and Zag’s philosophical private message conversations.

Think of the immense array of colorful characters we’re presented with in the ongoing Action Jones saga. No one can deny the insanity of that Tim fellow, and who can’t help but love those “old geezers”, or that crazy guy, Smith? We never grow tired of the Chief’s uproarious quirks, and our favorite ninja’s stealthy skills always leave us on the edge of our seats…face it. These characters, along with The Pharaoh of Flush, Azerberjan, Samarai Gukido, Havoc Jack, and countless others are one of the reasons that this series is such an unrivaled captor of our imaginations.

However, many of these characters have never met in battle, which leaves the average AJ follower rather curious. What if so-and-so and you-know-who came to blows, regardless of whether or not they were allies or adversaries? What if they met…who would be the victor?

Scenario. Smith and Chief. Jedidiah and Edge. Insanity and Coon Skin Kurt.

Predict, friends. It's a good time to be had, for sure.

Wow. Jedediah and Edge? That's a tough one. Would this be pre- or post-blindness Edge? Would Jedediah have a coconut handy?

As hard as it is for me to choose a victor, I'm going to go with Jedediah. Why? Because he has a scarier voice and he's a hobo. I mean, come on, don't mess with the guardian hobo sitting in the hallway. Edge should know better. And if he had that coconut, all would surely be lost for Edge. Oh, and that tarp. Who knows what a cornucopia of various armaments is hidden beneath? Man, oh man.

Hmm, pre-or-post blindness, good point, good point.

I'm going to say Edge on either count, regardless of whether or not Jedidiah is armed by that dreaded coconut. See, I think you're wrong about the tarp thing. It'll be Jedidiah's downfall...I mean, have you heard how flipping loud it is when he first moves in on Smith? It's a dead give away, whereas Edge, being a ninja, is stealthy. The ninja has no voice, for the ninja is stealthy. Everyone knows that.

And obviously, even if this is before the whole blinding incident, Edge will doubtlessly have an advantage in the dark. So the whole "lights coming on" thing? Yeah, not even going to phase him.

However, you forget Jedidiah's evasive maneuvers, how can you fight against them? The simple answer? "you can't". Be that as it may, I still think this would be a good battle, Jedidiah is a mysterious fellow, his true abilities still lie amidst the fog of uncertainty. Who knows if he might unleash a new and dangerous move against Edge? Then again, with his new blindness, Edge has opened the door to a new and untapped store of abilities....who knows....

Exactly! Possibly Edge has become all the more stealthy and maneuverable with his blindness....Maybe not a handicap, but an advantage. Either way, Edge would destroy Jedidiah. I'm sorry but it's true. (By the way, that new movie is amazzing!)



Edge's Motto-"This Edge never gets dull."

Smith and Chief.

I'd go with the Chief here.. he's more diabolical to me... not to mention that Chief tends to have friends that pop up and help out, Smith not so much sides tends to run from his problems

Jedidiah and Edge

I vote Edge... come on it's Edge! He's probbly had more fight experience. Okay I admit I'm a big Edge fan. But Sage does have a point about Edge's motto

Insanity and Coon Skin Kurt

I think this one is the hardest for me bother are rock awesome and very hardcore. I want to vote Insanity for his quirkyness that I can't help but love and for the simple fact that he had *sniff* passed on. I want to show some sympathy toward him. But I think the match would be even kiel between these two more than any other. I think it's a matter who has the most luck at the time.

What about this matchup - Azerberjan versus Pharoah of Flush?

Both wield the powers of lightning. Pharoah is a minor villain who happens to be more competent than the Chief he follows (usually). Azerberjan is a rogue robot out to destroy Chief, Edge, and everyone that gets in his road.

Pharoah has killed no one (but has hurt Action Jones so very much). Azerberjan hasn't killed anyone either, but has blinded Edge and abducted Samurai Gukido.

What would a battle between the two most powerful characters in the series be like?

Hmm...I'd have to say that Azerberjan would probably win. Why do I think so? There is a little bit of foreshadowing in the episode where Azerberjan appears. The Pharaoh used his electrical powers to reactivate the android. So it would make sense then that Azerberjan would be able to absorb the duke of the dump's trademark attack.

Well....enough speculation...lets get down to business shall we? I'll start off by narrating a bit of the Edge vs Ledidiah Jones battle, then someone can pick up where I leave off....

Jedidiah stared down the ninja that had entered his hallway, but the intruder seemed not to notice...Edge stopped still...listening, he coud "hear' the outline of his opponent in front of him, It'd only been a few weeks since he lost hisa sight, but he'd already adapted quite well...suddenly a deafening roar of shuffling plastic filled his ears, his opponent was on the move...
Jedidiah lunged at the ninja, his right hand firmly clasped around a fresh coconut, ready to strike. As he neared Edge, he swung the fruit (is it?) outward, hoping to intimidate the ninja, however, Edge instantly blocked the hobo's attack, sending the coconut hurtling from the old man's hand and into a brick wall. As the two were showered by juicy chunks of the shattered weapon, Edge followed up with a swift knee to the mid section...Jedidiah was shocked, it was as if the ninja hadn't even seen the coconut!! Before he could regain his composure, another blow was dealt to his chest, sending him careening backward and slamming into a nearby wall. The hobo lifted himself up just as Edge closed in for another attack. Quickly Jedidiah pulled off his tarp and used it as a whip to take out his opponents legs. Edge fell to the ground with a thud.

Edge knew he was in trouble. His smelly adversary would easily finish him off at this rate. He couldn't rely on his hearing alone. It was time for him to test his "Edge Vision." Edge quickly flipped back onto his feet and away from his opponent. He formed his hand sign and concentrated. Where there had been darkness only moments before, there was now a strange new world. His "new sight" transformed his world of darkness into a world akin to a relief sculpture. He wasn't entirely used to it, but it would have to do. The vagabond guardian was advancing.
Jedediah was whipping his tarp/cloak ahead of him; it lunged and snapped as if it had a life of its own. To Edge, it seemed even more alive. His vision outlined every writhe and twist. The tarp was a dragon. Edge quickly ran along the walls past the hobo. He wondered for a split second where this bum could have learned "The dragon of the cloth" technique. Edge landed silently behind the hobo. Before Jedediah could react, Edge raised both of his hands. Jedediah was shocked to see that he was now suspended in the middle of the hallway by a single, long piece of black thread.
Edge hadn't simply dodged Jedediah's earlier attack, he had been setting up one of his own. Jedediah slowly realized the reason the ninja's cloak had been missing during his earlier evasion. The ninja had trapped him in the infamous "Shinobi Web." All of the vagabond's limbs were securely caught. The ninja had him. Edge began to gather his strength for a finishing blow as Jedediah desperately sought a way to get free.

Suddenly, before Edge could finish, Jedediah used his last resort: The Ancient Requim of the Hobos! As he burst into full song, the string he was tied up with (resonating at just the perfect frequency) snapped in two! Edge was suddenly assulted with vocal attacks, rendering his acute hearing useless. Jedediah took a step forward and hit just the right key to cause Edge to stumble back as if he had been punched in the chest. Again! Again! Right, left, Jedediah advanced, battering Edge with his Hobo soundwaves of fury.
.....

We have cool friends!